I'm so glad you want to be just friends!
Various quotations from a man who is happy his girlfriend decided they should just be friends.
“Boy, this is great! I can just fart through this whole movie and it doesn’t matter anymore!”
“It’s like, since we’re friends now, I can just tell you I’m not interested in hearing you whine! It’s so fantastic! Shut the hell up!”
“Wow, you know what has really changed since this friend thing? Remember how I used to gaze into your eyes and tell you you were beautiful? You need a nose job! I feel so much better being honest with you.”
“Wow, I never did that with a friend before. And you have had some practice, old pal! Let me get six bucks.”
“No, I don’t have that six bucks! Quit bitching about it! God, you’re not my GIRLFRIEND!”
“No, that’s cool! We’re friends! I don’t have to see you all the time. Goysh, lemme off my chain already!”
“Hey, saw you with Matt earlier. Weird. I called him and you. Thirty times. Or something. Anyway. Just thought we should all hang out because we’re all…friends. Lo-dee-do. Call me back.”
“You can’t pretend that nothing happened!!”
“Hey, sorry I yelled at you earlier. Maybe I haven’t been real mature lately. I mean, we need to move on, and there’s no reason we shouldn’t still be able to maintain a human relationship, right? I’ve just been silly, plus that one time you totally instigated it, but I’m apologizing for my behavior. Any news on that nose-job, Snuffleupagus?”
7 months ago